As you make your way through this portion of the site please keep in mind this area is one that has taken me the longest to compose and put together so that everyone can see it. Till now it has been hidden within the site so that no one could see it. I have deep fear of people truly getting to see the "real" me. The real soul that lies so deep inside of my being. This for me has been my growing, my attempt to come out of "Hiding". Something that has been so very hard for me to do. |
I am like all other humans in this imperfect world we live in. I am flesh and bone. I can feel, I can hurt, I can fall, and at times I am helpless and frail and I can cry tears of pain. " Hiding " in life is one way some deal with their pain and hurt, as well as it's a way to protect their friends from truly knowing the suffering they are going through. Life can deal us such heartaches we often wonder why God even brings it into our lives. Some stumble through life collecting souls as if they were treasures only to be discarded like useless trash we must throw away. That's how they feel they must protect themselves, they use our hearts and souls for their own pleasure, never truly knowing the soul they are using, and thus never knowing how they have hurt that soul. Souls are not useless in this life, without a soul you are empty. Sometimes we can be so deeply hurt that we begin this fall into a dark place in our life, in our world that it's where our "Hiding " begins. As a form of protection, something we see as good, healthy and something we must do to survive. I have been in this place most of my life. Hiding is truly the only source of peace, happiness and truth I had ever known. My one dream in life is that we all find a place in our lives and in our souls that we see we don't have to hide, for others to see and accept that we all have shortcomings, but we are also on a path much the same. We all want mostly the same thing in life. To be loved, accepted for what we are. Imperfect humans, capable of love, of loving, of giving, of sharing, but mostly we want to be accepted, that we all make mistakes and we all cry.... |
Maybe one day in our lives we shall all find someone or something that can, as the song says, they will deliver you. Deliver your soul to a new place, to a person that will forever cherish that soul. Deliver you from all the sadness in your lives, take you so far that you must look down to see heaven and all its beauty. |
As I walk in the shadows of life, scared and alone, it's like dreaming a dream I can't call my own. Like drowning at sea on a dark stormy night. It's living a life that shall never be right. Like climbing a mountain without any top. It's a bottomless pit that never will stop. My own private hell where no mercy will show. It keeps me moving, but where will it go? Where will it go and where will it end ? This is what life is like in " Hiding." There is a beginning, but seems to be no end. Dangling from a chain, but where is my heart? I know it has to be somewhere, but where do I start ? I have been wandering around all of my life, living alone, living in the dark. Somewhere, sometime, I have to find, someone to love, some peace of mind. When my search is over and I find my home, when I find the "me " that lives inside, there will be no more running, no place to hide. Untill I find it, I shall travel on, in hopes that when I get there, it will not be gone. This site has become my healing; healing from a love so deep within me it has nearly destroyed my entire life. To say I fell in love with this man " The UN_Named" is an understatement on any level. He became my very heart, soul and became the very meaning in my life. Something happen a long the way and the eternity I prayed for was lost and I was deeply hurt beyond imagination. Now I move forward in an attempt daily to just " survive him and his hurt inflicted upon my soul " |
